i want to make a comeback;

dreams are said to be a foresight of the future.
as i was rereading old blog posts, i came across a dream i had over a year ago. i remembered it like it was yesterday. the cold water sitting infront of me, the chills i had down my back. every word she spoke stung me with a piercing pain, exploding across my chest. "she's just making life harder for us. make her go away." the words that pushed me over the edge. they were the single most hurtful words i'd ever heard. as i was pondering my thoughts the other day, one hit me, killing me more than anything ever had before. "they split up because she didn't want me in their life. they wanted it to be just them and thier kids. they didn't want some other woman's child in their lives under their care any longer." this was all a part of their huge plan. they planned it, thinking i would be gone. he thought he could do it. he thought that if he had her and her children, the world would be fine. he didn't think that i meant that much to him. he didn't know that the little spawn of his past, childhood relationship could impact him to a point of turning back. "you don't need her. she's just like her mother. they act the same, look the same, talk the same. everything is the same. do you really want her to be back in your life?" he didn't know which way to go. he didn't know which path he wanted. one path was with the woman he had had the desire to be with for years now, and the other led him to a young girl that was in desperate need of her father. either path would lead to the dissapation of any chance with the other. he couldn't take the pain, the envy of each woman to the other, so he left, leaving no trace of himself behind. in the end, he ended up residing with her and her family, finishing their plan of living happily ever after. i was left in the cold with no father and no hope of my dreams being fufilled. because he made the choice to embrace her needs in leiu of mine, i'm now a lost child, wandering around in the dark of days, crying out of my daddy. "you don't need her." he didn't need me, and that kills me beyond life itself.