dearest friends,
this past year wouldn't have been the best year i've had, had it not been for you. i started out knowing one of you and becoming best friends (we'll call you friend one), and i've almost ended this year being best friends with the other (and we'll call you friend two). i'm going to go in chronological order of the year to recap. i hope it helps.
january-february: i was completely distracted by a boy. my life was consumed by him and all that he was. it was new, refreshing. it was hard to believe that an older boy could want me and find me so magnificent. friend one was there for me then. we were so tight and so close that if you wanted one of us, you got both of us. i think this is around the time the hardships hit. he wanted me, all of me. like i just said, if you got one of us, you got the both of us. he wasn't okay with that.
*hardship one: friend vs. boyfriend.
~~winner: at first, boyfriend. in the end, friend. (i couldn't give up my friends to be with someone i barely knew myself. gave him up for everyone else.)
march-mid may: we mended what was broken. you took me back after everything that happened between me and some silly boy. and yet again, we were attached at the hip. one weekend we were at my house, the next we were at yours. my mom was your mom, and your mom was my mom. we realized that we were so alike it was creepy. every part of our childhood and teenage years were eerily alike. we shared parts of our lives that nobody else knew. it was kind of bitter sweet. no friendship i had before had ever lasted. i wanted it to so bad, you understood me like nobody else did. i didn't want it to end. we went on spring break together, and for some reason, i feel like after that is when things changed. nothing was the same. i cried a lot about it after the fact. i didn't want things to be ruined.
*hardship two: drifting.
~~solved?: kind of, not really. things didn't go back up until a little bit later. to be explained.
late may-early august: you left to go to your dad's. i know you told me in advance, but it was still shocking to me that you actually left. i felt like you left me, didn't want to be friends anymore. that's when friend two came into the picture. friend two, you felt the same way i did when friend one left. at least, that's what i've taken from it. we clicked from the get-go. we had a lot in common. we liked a lot of the same stuff, listened to the same music, and had a lot of the same views. the whole summer we became closer and closer friends. we slowly became attached at the hip, never leaving each others side.
-intermission: friend one, you said we would hang out every time you came back. that failed. when you did, you had a friend with you. i tried to see if you wanted to at least do something for an hour or so, but you said we couldn't because you had her there. it broke my heart. i felt things drift from there.
continuing. friend two, you and i went on vacation together. i saved you from the misery your mom tried to put you in. neither of us were really big beach goers, but we got through it. that experience brought us so much closer together. having band together was another thing that made it easier. all of my time became consumed in the one activity and you were the only one there. we bonded, stayed with each other all the time. friend one was still one of the number one topic of our talks. we both missed her. a lot.
-intermission: friend one, you came back.
*hardship three: friend vs. friend.
~~winner: friend two. sorry friend one, i'm not sure what happend. even to this day.
mid august-now: friend one, our friendship has deteriorated. whether it was because of the breakdown of the business or because you thought you lost me to friend two, i'm not sure. here is my reasoning behind quitting, just so there are no misconceptions: i couldn't take the stress from my ap english class and do the business. we had homework every night and i couldn't keep up. i didn't feel fast enough at making bracelets. i felt like i was a drag, slowly killing the business. band consumed all of my time and i didn't have time. people were getting mad at me because when i had time off of band, i was bracelet making. i couldn't do it any more. everything was getting to me and i broke down. maybe one of these days, we can start it back up. i just couldn't at the time. friend two, you have held me up through everything. through everything with friend one, boys, this was the time period that made the earlier stuff worth it. i don't want to lose you as a friend. ever. don't ever forget that.
*hardship four: now vs. then.
~~winner: tba.
friend one: i just want to tell you that i miss you, a lot. if we can't be friends again, can i just know what i did wrong? i hate sitting up at night not knowing. ps, i'm moving this winter. i don't want to leave not knowing.
friend two: no matter what, we'll always be friends. i know you've been scared in thinking that i'll leave, but i won't. i promise.
*the hard (probably easy) part: finding out who is who. clearing this whole situation up is my goal. i hope it helps <3
love you both always,
bree.
What happened was this. Friend 2 took my place, and the only thing I could think of was how it had happened before. I have been replaced before, maybe not by you, but by someone else. When you go through that once, you're heartbroken. Once it happens twice: you don't really want to feel anything any more.
ReplyDeleteYou weren't here the one time my mother and I got into a fight. That one time was the scariest moment of my life because she raised her hand at me. I really thought she was going to hit me.(You can ask Crystal about it since she was there; I cried for hours.) At that moment I knew I was going to leave for the summer. Besides, distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder.
But it doesn't. That's a lie. It leads to what breaks me.
(replacement)
What happens now? Nothing. I promise I won't tell anyone anything that you've said to me, and I'd ask that you do the same. One day things my ease back into friendship, but if you want to know how long it takes I can only offer the time it took to rekindle a friendship from the last person who replaced me. (3.5 years and still counting)
It's almost impossible to fix something once it's broken into a million pieces.
Almost.