as i sit here and slowly wipe the dripping mascara off from under my eyes, i try to solve the mystery as to what's wrong. i can't think of a certain thing that has set me off this time. there's a multitude of things that could be the cause of the flowing tears:
-i never feel good enough. i feel like nothing i do is ever appreciated by anybody. i try my hardest, leaving nothing but a trail of dust behind me, but nobody notices. no matter what i do, i'm always second best. i'm never the first choice for anything, never have been, never will be.
-to go along with the first one, you talk to her over me. sure, we sit on the phone every night, but every time i pick it up to say something, you're in full conversation with her. it hurts. you never listen to what i have to say unless she went away to do something. my heart throbs with the pain from it. i've told you before that i get overly jealous, and you said it would all work out okay. obviously if it's still hurting me, then it's not okay.
-today didn't bother me. it didn't seem weird to me that they were in the same place at the same time. i hated that i didn't feel resentment or anything towards either of you. i hated that i couldn't feel the pain. i hated that it felt normal. i hate myself for this whole day.
-to be honest, i'm not stressing over what you think i'm stressing about. i'm stressing about you.
that's some of the things it could be, but like with every other situation, there's more. i'm done writing for the night. goodnight <3
Hun, I don't know why you say you can't write. Some of these posts are so enticing. The photos are beautiful too. It's so simple, and yet it is something so much more.
ReplyDeleteIf you're not good enough to them, you're good enough to me. The only person I'd ever want to start a business with is you(:
You're my South African Sister, and I'd chose you over my own mother to talk to (and I've done that on multiple occasions.)
Even if some loser of a guy (no offense to you, I mean you do care for him a lot) doesn't make you his first choice (Dumb since you're freaking amazing) I will make you my first choice in a lot of things(: I hope things get better.
Love,
-The Chasing of Neverland