I decided that since my friends are nearly non-existent, I needed to let my heart out to someone, and whether it be to my blog or if people are really still out there, this will have to do.
The last year has been the largest growing curve of my life. I've grown into a woman, gotten a job (or two..or three), moved out on my own, began a serious relationship, fought my way through life, mentally broken myself down and found places I never even knew existed, etc. The list goes on.
I've found a lot about myself, and I think the biggest thing is that I'm not good with close relationships. I have acquaintances, yes, but once one passes the line into a closer place in my heart, I just can't seem to do it. I have to have my distance because I don't want to hurt people. I know for a fact that once someone gets too close, I have to push them away. My head and heart can't balance the bond that people should be able to have.
My depression has 100% gotten worse. Some days I can barely function, for I don't feel like there is anything in this world for me. If I can't hold relationships with anyone, if I can't see a future in anything I do, then what's the point? That one question has been picking and eating at me for nearly 10 years now. Why it's just now really hitting me, I'm not sure.
I never realized that growing up meant changing so drastically.
It hurts.
Enough for now. <3
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